I’m just going to come out and say it, I hated breastfeeding. There I said it, and I’m not taking it back. I didn’t always feel this way. Before having Wendy, I had imagined loving breastfeeding so much I hoped to do it for over a year or two. The reality shattered my glossy-eyed illusions almost instantly….. It also goes without saying, that this is just my experience. I do not speak for any other mama out there, I am not a doctor or a psychologist, I’m just a mom trying to figure out what works and doesn’t work for me and my family. Anyways….
To say that my daughter is easily distracted would be an understatement. Wendy is not a quick eater. She loves taking her time and looks at just about everything. She would eat every two hours without fail and would take an hour or more to eat every time. Each day, Chris headed off to work, I would be sitting on the couch feeding and when he would get home I would still be on the couch feeding. It was exhausting and I started to feel less and less like myself and more like a milk cow. It was disheartening, exhausting and just plain sucked.
No Wendy didn’t have any issues latching or anything like that. I was told that I was lucky that I didn’t have to go through the hardship of having an unlatching baby, but the truth is I felt so unlike myself while I breastfed Wendy. Not to mention it felt like it was triggering a whole lot of depressing and frightening feelings. I’m not sure if that had to do with hormones or the lack of sleep, but I know I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing. Yet at the same time, I didn’t want to stop. I guess I really bought into the ‘Breast is best’ idea, not to mention when I did mention that I was thinking of stopping the look of disapproval on some people’s faces was just hard. Yes, we can all say to ourselves that other people’s opinions don’t matter, but sometimes, especially those times that you’re already down on yourself, it’s hard to just say ‘who cares.’ Plus the internet is filled with stories of how formula feeding your kid is setting them up for pure failure, low grades, etc etc etc etc (all crap). It was difficult, but the decision to stop needed to be made or I would be dead. There is no ifs ands or buts about it. Breastfeeding my daughter every 2 hours day and night was triggering thoughts of escape, helplessness, and suicide. The more I learn about what it takes to be a mom, the more I realize how much of the reality is taboo. Yet again, maybe it’s not just motherhood, maybe it’s mental health in general, regardless, it was a scary time. It was confusing and beautiful and frightening.
Even though I knew I had to give up breastfeeding for my sake, it was hard to let go of all the idealism associated with it. But guess what happened when I stopped breastfeeding and gave my daughter a bottle, I felt better. Although Wendy was still waking up every 2 to 3 hours, Chris could now help and bottle feed her so I could sleep some nights. We created a routine that kept Wendy happy and kept Chris and I happy. Switching to formula wasn’t just the right choice for me, it was the safest and much-needed option for me. I cannot tell you how glad I am to have had that option because the reality is if I hadn’t switched I probably wouldn’t be typing this post right now. So as much as I would love to say ‘breast is best’ it wouldn’t be best if I wasn’t around to provide for my daughter. While I was afraid that I would lose a part of that “bond” created by breastfeeding, I ended up realizing that I was creating a deeper and more meaningful bond with Wendy, my husband, and even my furbaby by taking care of my needs and getting back to being me again.
I am in no way saying that we should stop supporting women who choose to breastfeed. I can’t tell you how awesome it is to see breastfeeding become more and more of an everyday norm, yet at the same time, I think we forget to support the mamas out there who choose not to breastfeed or can’t breastfeed. Shouldn’t it all be normalized? Shouldn’t we just support all the families who plain and simply find what works for them? Stop making a big deal out of babies who are formula fed. Guess what, there are people who came before us, generations even, who were formula fed and they still accomplished plenty. There are kids I know who were exclusively formula fed who are smart, funny, kind and aren’t sick every month. It’s okay to stop breastfeeding and give your kid a bottle. Being fed is a necessity, and with that, a healthy mama who is able to be there for their child, both emotionally and physically, is best.
Let me know what your experiences were? Did you breastfeed? Did you formula feed? What worked for you?
So I actually planned on breast feeding and bottle feeding (pumped milk) because I really wanted my husband to be a part of the bonding. We managed to do it for a bit in the beginning but because I suffer from PCOS, it triggered a hormonal skin issue that caused large painful raw holes (sorry if TMI) in the sides of my breast. My husband and mother were more than supportive about me switching fully to formula, and I realized the long term damage breast feeding was doing to me. It wasn’t an easy choice, I felt like a failure in a way, but I couldn’t let my fears stop me due to the pain I was in.
I heard from other family how they believed that formula feeding would contribute to things like ADHD, or that I was being selfish, but the truth is they were the selfish ones. My decision in no way impacted them, and not until I actually showed someone the painful holes being left on my body did they understand and stop with the fear.
My daughter thrived on formula and my hormones balanced out.
My daughter is 20 months old, smart as a whip, stood early, walked by 9 months, can count to 3, can speak is small sentences, and is just an all around sponge. At night she wants her mama and I get a mountain of kisses. The reason she is this way is because my husband and I spend the time to teach her, and I don’t think formula or breast feeding made the difference. We love her, nurture her and try to do the best for her.
Whatever someone’s decision is I firmly believe it is not the business of anyone else’s. Fed is best, however that may be.
I couldn’t agree more with you! Wendy started sitting up at 3 months, wants to do a lot of things early, has been trying to repeat some words we say to her and i firmly believe that has nothing to do with what we feed her and more to do with how Chris and I interact with her. Good for you making the choice and to your husband and mom who supported you all the way! Thank you so much for sharing your experiece.
I love and appreciate your post. I am a first time mom, breast fed by my mother as an infant. I was always told “breast is best” growing up, told by my family that infants that are breast fed have less allergies and medical problems. I have been heart broken and struggled the last month of my infant sons life because I cannot provide enough supply for him. My husband and I supplement as needed (mainly at night, when my volume is depleted). I have tried supplements, sports drinks, drinking massive amounts of water, power pumping, pumping on a schedule, literally everything. My husband and I have decided to continue breastfeeding for 4 more weeks while on maternity and paternity leave. We are then going to start exclusively formula feeding him in an attempt to formulate a schedule and get him used to formula all the time before going to daycare. Your post and words have made my heart and decision so much happier and easier. I feel I will grow closer with my son knowing I will no longer struggle.
I breastfed my fourth baby for 6 weeks. I decided to give it a try. Luckily, I was lucky enough that he didn’t have latching problems nor did I have a low milk supply. As the pandemic happened and schools closed breastfeeding took alot of time pumping and everything else associated with it and I felt so guilty that I didn’t have as much time to feed my baby as I use to have. My first three kids were straight formula as soon as they were born, and my fourth baby who I switched to formula is fine and healthy. I just feel so guilty for not sticking it out to continue breastfeeding him but he doesn’t seem to mind either way as long as he is fed. Every time I get on the internet or anything to do with social media there’s all kinds of posts of mothers who are breastfeeding their children and it just makes me feel upset in some type of way but I keep telling myself none of my other children were breastfed and that it will all be okay at the end of the day they will still love me no matter what they eat, whether bottle or breast mommy knows best!